B-Roll, Breakthroughs, and Bill-Paying: The Creative’s Paradox in 2025

(ON DYSTHYMIA, LOVE, AND THE UMPTEENTH RENDER)

Traveled to the Azores, ticking off a bucket list item. Like for many 2025 was a mixed bag. We survived.

I’m thankful for the times I struggled. 

I am grateful for each time I woke up at 3 a.m. – and there were quite a few – with irrational fear about the future. 

I was borderline giddy whenever I found out my company didn’t win a bid – or better yet, when I was left in limbo with professional ghosting after submitting a proposal.

Anxiety, panic, uncertainty, anger, sadness, melancholy, dysthymia, and ennui: you were all my companions in 2025. 

But so were happiness, laughter, wonder, contentment, confidence, triumph, Type-A exhaustion, breakthrough, fulfillment, and, most of all, love.

Filming at a Mercy Housing property in Phoenix for refugees. One of many assignments that filled me with gratitude.

I had the privilege of listening to amazing life stories and hearing about people picking themselves back up to try again after hard times. I witnessed incredible natural beauty and shared special moments with colleagues, clients, friends, and loved ones. I filmed interviews that left me wanting to be a better person. I left shoots full of conviction in wanting to do justice to the story and doing whatever I could to ensure as many people as possible would watch it.

I got to mentor an intern again. And felt I was wiser for it. While I have mentored others as far back as my television days, this time there was a new level of intentionality to it. I found myself practicing mindfulness regarding what I was teaching, how I was teaching it, and what my intern specifically needed or wanted to learn. Creating a curriculum and thinking through my own processes in order to explain them made me question my own methods, helped me become a better communicator, and ultimately improved the experience for both me and my partners.

Thank you for all of your help this summer Xander; I can’t wait to see what your future holds.

Xander manning a B camera during a client shoot this past summer in Denver.

I learned. Boy did I learn. And I don’t want to stop learning. Classes and series in AI, coding and color grading. Tutorials in new software and plugins. Books about process and strategy and writing.

And what about 2026? 

Well, I expect more of the same: 3 a.m. terrors about not having enough projects lined up for two quarters down the road; moments of blasé while waiting for the umpteenth rendering on a 5-second sequence that I have spent several hours perfecting and that nobody most likely will notice but me; feelings of being overwhelmed by being a small business owner and all of the work, uncertainty and mind-numbing paperwork and bill-paying that comes with that.

Showcasing all of the specialties and disciplines of medical professionals at Denver Health was one of our video projects for Legacy Mediaworks in 2025.

But also, the tingly feeling when you nail a complex shot and everything times up just right; the satisfaction of seeing a shot line up perfectly with lighting, blocking, and focusing; the emotional welling up inside during a raw and unfiltered interview.

Wishing I had more B Roll. Wondering why I spent so much time in pre-production when nothing goes according to plan.

Smiling at that eureka moment when my client and I find the secret sauce for the storytelling. Receiving that unsolicited client email with words of praise and appreciation.

I will laugh. I will cry. I will feel insignificant. I will feel magnificent.

And I hope nothing but the same for each and every one of you.

Hanging on the summit of Overhanging Tower in the Cirque of the Towers. Another bucket list trip completed in 2025.